IS IT ALWAYS YOUR BOSS WAY OR THE HIGHWAY?

Assertive communication is more effective than being aggressive.

Meet JOE. He occupies a position as manager, though many think he’s not equipped for the job.

His colleagues secretly refer to him as “the bulldozer” referring to his habit of steamrolling over others’ ideas and dominating any conversation or debate he enters.

Though his approach gets things done, the employees in JOE’s department tend to be nervous and unhappy , seeing as his “my way or the highway” perspective leaves little room for their opinions and needs.
During the course of one’s career it’s almost unavoidable to run into someone who suffers from JOE’s aggressive disposition.

The challenge – especially for women in the workplace, who sometimes choose to emulate the behaviour of men in senior positions, - is to learn the difference between aggressive and assertive communication, the latter of which is endlessly more rewarding.

Assertive communication, according to Lee Hopkins of the Hopkins Business Communication Training Group, is defined as “the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way”. The foundation of this style of communication is respect for your own and other people’s rights. Aggressive communication, in contrast, cares little for the rights and needs of other people.


Mark Frazer-Grant, a partner at Siyadala People Development, who focuses on coaching employees and developing leadership, believes the difference between these two styles “depend on where you are coming from”
“Real assertiveness is where you are very aware of the context of the situation, of why you need to be assertive – because it gets the job done or is efficient, for example. A common mistake is that people feel they should present themselves as assertive in order to impress. That is not a good place to be in.

“People tent also to become aggressive,” he continue, “ when they perceive that others do not support their point of view. Their ego or identity gets offended and they start responding in an aggressive way.
“Assertive communication is a calm confidence; it’s knowing where you are coming from. When faces with differing opinions, you still put energy and passion into your voice while at the same time telling the person that you are not convinced or buying into their strategy”

According to Hopkins, people “often feel vulnerable or unsure” of themselves, leading them to “resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour” Key factors in the choices people make regarding communication behaviour styles are their levels of self-esteem and their approach to conflict.

Low self-esteem and a congruent need to avoid conflict can lead to employees becoming aggressive , submissive or passive-aggressive, all of which can create a negative atmosphere.
“A lack of assertiveness can lead to a very negative vibe. People may choose passive-aggressive, whereby they pretent to be submissive but instead plan to sabotage the person or project. This is a very unhealthy attitude but know it happens” said Frazer-Grant.

Taking the passive route and avoiding all conflict may lead to an employee being stepped on or taken advantage of on a regular basis. The other extreme, aggressive behaviour, leads to colleagues feeling threatened and dominated and can generate feeling of hostility towards the aggressive colleague.

Frazer-Grant acknowledged that the latter approach is common in many companies, with the added problem that female employees on the rise sometimes absorb the aggressive behaviour of their male superiors.
“It is true that – in some cases male managers are not really that skilled. They got this by choosing aggressive rather than assertive bahaviour . It is also true that these managers may become role models for female employees, who see that the managers get away with it and decide that’s the way to go”.

It should be clear , however, that the negative consequences of aggressive communication far outweigh the immediate results this approach may generate.

The advantages of assertive communication, on the other hand , are endless. According to Hopkins, it leads to the development of mutual respect between employees, it increases self-esteem and promotes the achievement of goals. Additionally, it increases a selaxed supportive atmosphere in the workplace, seeing as employees can share their opinions without reservations.