IS IT ALWAYS YOUR BOSS WAY OR THE HIGHWAY?

Assertive communication is more effective than being aggressive.

Meet JOE. He occupies a position as manager, though many think he’s not equipped for the job.

His colleagues secretly refer to him as “the bulldozer” referring to his habit of steamrolling over others’ ideas and dominating any conversation or debate he enters.

Though his approach gets things done, the employees in JOE’s department tend to be nervous and unhappy , seeing as his “my way or the highway” perspective leaves little room for their opinions and needs.
During the course of one’s career it’s almost unavoidable to run into someone who suffers from JOE’s aggressive disposition.

The challenge – especially for women in the workplace, who sometimes choose to emulate the behaviour of men in senior positions, - is to learn the difference between aggressive and assertive communication, the latter of which is endlessly more rewarding.

Assertive communication, according to Lee Hopkins of the Hopkins Business Communication Training Group, is defined as “the ability to express positive and negative ideas and feelings in an open, honest and direct way”. The foundation of this style of communication is respect for your own and other people’s rights. Aggressive communication, in contrast, cares little for the rights and needs of other people.


Mark Frazer-Grant, a partner at Siyadala People Development, who focuses on coaching employees and developing leadership, believes the difference between these two styles “depend on where you are coming from”
“Real assertiveness is where you are very aware of the context of the situation, of why you need to be assertive – because it gets the job done or is efficient, for example. A common mistake is that people feel they should present themselves as assertive in order to impress. That is not a good place to be in.

“People tent also to become aggressive,” he continue, “ when they perceive that others do not support their point of view. Their ego or identity gets offended and they start responding in an aggressive way.
“Assertive communication is a calm confidence; it’s knowing where you are coming from. When faces with differing opinions, you still put energy and passion into your voice while at the same time telling the person that you are not convinced or buying into their strategy”

According to Hopkins, people “often feel vulnerable or unsure” of themselves, leading them to “resort to submissive, manipulative or aggressive behaviour” Key factors in the choices people make regarding communication behaviour styles are their levels of self-esteem and their approach to conflict.

Low self-esteem and a congruent need to avoid conflict can lead to employees becoming aggressive , submissive or passive-aggressive, all of which can create a negative atmosphere.
“A lack of assertiveness can lead to a very negative vibe. People may choose passive-aggressive, whereby they pretent to be submissive but instead plan to sabotage the person or project. This is a very unhealthy attitude but know it happens” said Frazer-Grant.

Taking the passive route and avoiding all conflict may lead to an employee being stepped on or taken advantage of on a regular basis. The other extreme, aggressive behaviour, leads to colleagues feeling threatened and dominated and can generate feeling of hostility towards the aggressive colleague.

Frazer-Grant acknowledged that the latter approach is common in many companies, with the added problem that female employees on the rise sometimes absorb the aggressive behaviour of their male superiors.
“It is true that – in some cases male managers are not really that skilled. They got this by choosing aggressive rather than assertive bahaviour . It is also true that these managers may become role models for female employees, who see that the managers get away with it and decide that’s the way to go”.

It should be clear , however, that the negative consequences of aggressive communication far outweigh the immediate results this approach may generate.

The advantages of assertive communication, on the other hand , are endless. According to Hopkins, it leads to the development of mutual respect between employees, it increases self-esteem and promotes the achievement of goals. Additionally, it increases a selaxed supportive atmosphere in the workplace, seeing as employees can share their opinions without reservations.

IS YOUR BOSS A NASTY PIECE OF WORK?

What to do when the top dog won't wag its tail at you.

NOBODY likes conflict or confrontation. The fact, however , is that it is part of human experience and therefore also part of the workplace. While conflict with a colleague can generally be sorted out at the water cooler, conflict with your superior is quite another matter. So, what do you do when you and your Boss don't see eye to eye at all?

Take a break

Take a deep breath and a minute. Conflict and confrontation are frightening and tend to trigger the fight or flight response. It is important to do neither. When handled in a contructive manner, conflict can have a positive outcome.
It is important not to succumb to the "fight" response when confronted with, for example, unexpected and harsh criticism from your Boss. Even if you are being shouted at in front of other people-which one should hope is not the case in this day and age- resist the impulse to jump in with your own accusations. Instead, take a break from the situation. Acknowledge what your Boss has said but try to give yourself some time to think the matter over before you take it any further. Joyce Lain Kennedy, author of Resumes for Dummies, argues: "No one does his best thinking on an adrenaline rush. You will have more power and better strategy the next day when the shock has worn off"

Think before you react

Learn how to rationally consider the problem. Give some thought to what may have given rise to the situation. Maybe you have made an error. Could it be that you and your Boss had different expectations from a project or different ideas of how it should have been executed? Perhaps you simply come from different background, which make it difficult for you to understand each other.

Arrange a meeting

When you have thought it through, approach your superior to arrange a meeting where the two of you can discuss the problem and seek out possible solutions. The goal is to communicate. This means that you need to talk with your Boss, not at him or her. Take the time to give your perspective of the problem. When you are done, ask your superior what he or she thinks and make sure you really listen. Try to stick to the matter at hand and run through every problem that you have ever encountered.

Consider the options

The next step is to consider various solutions to the problem. The key is to focus on a common goal and to work from there and develop a practical plan for the future.
If you and your superior truly and violently disagree, it may be helpful to approac an informed but unbias outsider to act as a mentor in the resolution phase of thr problem.

According to the Centre for Creative Leadership, there are advantages in the positive resolution of conflict bethween co-workers.

It can clear the air as well as expose underlying issues. Actively trying to resolve conflict by communication creates an open environment, a place where people feel free to innovate and to share their ideas and opinions.
Of course, the the reality is that just as there are unequiped employees in the workplace, there are unequiped leaders as well. If you have the misfortune of working for a "bad Boss" (a bully , a temper queen or a micro-manager who never lets you do anything on your own), then consider the following advice from conflict experts.

Strive for excellence in your job so that your Boss has to struggle to find aspects of your work to criticise. Protect yourself by documenting everything you do and by making sure others know of the work you have done , even if it means copying communigues and forwarding them to your Boss's superior. Keep your attitude towards your superior professional at all times."Know the difference between not liking your Boss and being professional," advice Tristan Loo in the book,

How to Deal with Difficult Boss. Be open and honest. Try to see the interaction with your Boss as a discussion rather than a confrontation and iam to alin your body lanuage with this goal in mind-keep it slow and steady, even if you want to rant and rave. Lastly, if things really et impossible, ask for help. Human resources manager are trained to handle these types of situations